Menopause- is a normal condition only if has happened at the normal age. Medically, it is the end of the reproductive period in a woman’s life. Emotionally, it is another phase that leave women disillusioned and its affects are often life altering. Doctors have warned of loss of sex drive, dryness in the body, fatigue and bladder control issues. What has been less talked about is, the emotional drain; the depression, anxiety, hot flashes and racing pulse beat. I felt all these and just at the age of 30! What I felt more was the burden of being barren. Infertile for the world and at least “not a woman” for my several aunties. While menopause has several symptoms but it is rarely noticed by a 29 year old. While it did not happen over night, but my life came tumbling almost instantly. Not that I was waiting for my gynecologist to share this news, as the ultrasound and tests already came clear with the answers. I only wanted to be sure, if menopause can be stopped. In my case it could not.
Hot flashes are really not a menopausal thing but more often you are going to have them during this phase. This was one of the symptoms I had early on. Like we hear about cancer, read about cancer but don’t know until we have it. The hot flash thing came with a bang. The sudden feeling of heat and sweat. My mother-in-law experienced it after her hysterectomy. After 2-3 such instance, I went to see my doctor and her face could tell me there was more in store. My ovaries were never good. I never started a healthy period either. All through my teenage and adult years, my mother took me to several specialists. The medicines got me the pregnant look. My breasts pained and I gained enormous amount of weight along with Hirsutism. Despite the medical struggles, I had a pretty good life. I exercised, rested, worked and even had an active sex life. Children were of course not on my mind. I hardly sensed a trouble in conceiving one.
As the gaps to my cycles increased, so did my anxiety and trouble. I had severe mood swings, often leading to banging things, crying my heart allowed and locking myself up in the room. Then, one fine day, I realized I probably will not be bleeding again despite all the efforts. I was 30 and childless.
I am still having to live with it. But the diagnosis has made be anxiety-free. I know my chums are resting and so I can enjoy to a toast without having to carry a sanitary napkin in the purse everyday. There is no alarm.