Dear Indian Society, I Am More Than Just Your 'Ghar Ki Izzat'

As social beings, we are wired to crave connection and a sense of belonging. Culture and community play a significant role in shaping our perceptions of what is right and wrong, our morals, our mindsets, our patience, and, most importantly, our understanding of others around us and, to a large extent, how we view ourselves and what we believe we should pursue. Indian culture has always found its roots in familial values, the traditional practices of treating our guests like gods, respecting our elders and learning to share our belongings. 

Culture, Community, and the Illusion of Togetherness

As a young girl who grew up in an environment that values culture a lot, I have always been wired to play along with the dynamics of the everyday nuances that exist around me.

But as I grew up into the young woman I am today, the glorified rituals of Indian togetherness lost their surface-level lustre of being cultured.

I understood they were merely bounds of control and psychological boundaries to keep young girls and women under the wraps of silence and not being too ambitious. 

Growing up, I observed how much of Indian parenting was about control, rooting their psychological drives around insecurity and fear of something bad happening to their children all the time.

We all have grown up hearing the phrase around how "The world is a bad place," or "What if something happens if you go alone? We are simply protecting you."

If you grow up in a traditional household as a young girl, you are expected to blindly forfeit your autonomy and listen to what your elders and society are telling you to do.

It is enraging how we are expected to perform according to the laid guidelines of someone who does not even care about our well - being and if we argue, the only thing told to us is, "But that is the way it is."

We live in a society where, as a woman, if we have a mind of our own and disagree to follow these patriarchal norms, we are labelled as problematic and difficult.

Being the ‘Izzat’, and Carrying the Burden of Blame

The daughter of an Indian household is the ‘izzat’ (dignity) of the family. But that cannot be mistaken for us being on the pedestal. It simply translates to 'Every time something goes wrong, you will be blamed for it.' 

The way you speak, the way you dress, the way you hold yourself and the company you keep will be the pivotal stance for keeping the family intact. Indian daughters are often told to be timid, demure and subservient.

God forbid if they hold too much ambition or do not want to follow the societal timelines; they are criticised for it or shamed for it. Growing up, I had to unlearn that. 

I told myself that the dignity of the house does not depend on my shoulders. It is not my burden to make my life choices around the notions of what would be digestible to others around me. 

I have every right to choose how I want to live, how I choose to make a mark in society, what career I choose, how I dress, where I should live and whether marriage is something I am looking for or not. 

I am powerful and will take up space wherever I want to, even when society tries to keep me small and tries its best to make me doubt myself.

As women, we do not need permission to speak and hold the energy of the room. We should be loud and expressive, holding our opinions firm in every boardroom, classroom, and family discussion.

Our voices are valid. Our voices matter. Hold your voice high, be your own version of strength and live your life the way you want to.

​I respect the culture I grew up in, but the truth of the matter is that Indian society still has some skeletons of age-old patriarchy buried in the closet, and many are out in the broad daylight.

If we continue to pretend that everything is perfect and they do not exist, or excuse them under the name of tradition, the cost will be paid by every girl who dares to dream.

I hope every girl and woman knows that she has the power to not blindly accept Indian traditions just because they exist and are enforced by society. 

I want her to know she can choose how it impacts her life and that she is enough. I hope we realise no one has the power to set cultural boundaries to keep us within the limits and stop us from being ambitious.

Because, as women, we must realise that we can embrace the culture we are a part of and still question its shortcomings that hold us back from reaching our fullest potential in a man’s world.

Article by Hridya Sharma, freelance writer | Views expressed by the author are their own.