Fatherhood Beyond Breadwinning: Redefining Masculinity In Urban Indian Families

As a gender and development professional, I have spent the past fifteen years of my life working on the issues of masculinities and gender norms. Theory and practice came to a head-on collision four years ago when I had my son and all those questions about what it means to be a man, a good man and specifically, man enough in India became more pressing than ever to me and my family. 

Traditionally, the role of a father in India has been associated primarily with the role of a provider- a father earns, grants financial security, works long hours and is not present in the household, only here to embody the role of the strict disciplinarian. My friend Sara used to call her dad “a Santa Clause dad”, a father who shows up once a year with gifts and disappears into a world far removed from the family for another year.

Even a very popular soda company had a campaign that ran in India, with cans labelled “My Dad. My Hero. My ATM.” These jokes about the role of fathers in an Indian family hide something much darker lurking behind a surface: generations of men shouldering a burden of financial prosperity, while being completely out of touch with their

As a gender and development professional, I have spent the past fifteen years of my life working on the issues of masculinities and gender norms. Theory and practice came to a head-on collision four years ago when I had my son and all those questions about what it means to be a man, a good man and specifically, man enough in India became more pressing than ever to me and my family. 

Traditionally, the role of a father in India has been associated primarily with the role of a provider- a father earns, grants financial security, works long hours and is not present in the household, only here to embody the role of the strict disciplinarian. My friend Sara used to call her dad “a Santa Clause dad”, a father who shows up once a year with gifts and disappears into a world far removed from the family for another year.

Even a very popular soda company had a campaign that ran in India, with cans labelled “My Dad. My Hero. My ATM.” These jokes about the role of fathers in an Indian family hide something much darker lurking behind a surface: generations of men shouldering a burden of financial prosperity, while being completely out of touch with their own emotions, the well-being of their children and unable to play an active role in their families lives beyond a narrow, patriarchal capacity they have been given. 

A lot has been said and written about how patriarchy and masculinity hurt women and children, and rightfully so. However, there is scope and need to have a long hard look at the ways in which rigid and toxic gender roles hurt fathers and their experience of fatherhood as well. 

The face of fatherhood in India is changing, and I can see the change in my own circle firsthand and while the bar is still set too low, there are men changing what lived experience of fatherhood looks like. 

My husband, while juggling a very challenging career transition with our newborn, took over all baby duties besides feeding and got a lot of praise for it, including comments from close friends saying what an involved father he is because he changed a diaper. My neighbour is always the one taking his baby girl to parent-toddler classes, even if he’s usually the only dad in the sea of moms. These changes are not just redefining fatherhood but also reshaping masculinity itself. 

Redefining Masculinity Through Emotional Availability 

One of the biggest shifts happening in urban Indian families is the increasing emotional availability of fathers. Earlier, showing emotions—especially vulnerability, tenderness, or care—was often seen as ‘unmanly.’ But modern fatherhood embraces these qualities. It all starts with not telling our boys to toughen up, to not cry, to not “act like a girl”. I see so many fathers around me getting down on their toddler’s level, hugging them and telling them- it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel. 

This is redefining masculinity for a whole generation of Indian men in a most profound way possible. The lack of emotional availability has a direct correlation to negative mental health outcomes for men, locally and globally, and allowing fathers and children to connect on an emotional level will do wonders for the society as a whole. 

Shared Parenting: A Shift in Household Dynamics 

South Asia has the largest disparity in the amount of unpaid labour performed between men and women. While there are steps actively being made to close that gap, the truth is even the smallest efforts are getting a disproportionate amount of praise. Every time I travel for work, I get told I am lucky my husband “helps” at home and with a child. Every time my husband travels for work he gets told- nothing. 

More and more fathers bristle at the idea they are “helping” or “babysitting” and take ownership of their own households and childcare labour. Only by closing the gap at home can we hope to close the gap everywhere else, and this shift in the household dynamics is vital. 

The Workplace Challenge: Paternity Leave and Work Culture 

One of the biggest roadblocks to this shift in fatherhood is workplace culture. While maternity leave is somewhat normalized, paternity leave in India is still rare and often frowned upon. Remember the uproar when Virat Kohli took paternity leave? How dare a man choose his family over his job? But it is precisely men like Kohli who lead the way in breaking the stigma around taking time off.

The most common question men are asked when they take paternity leave is “What will you even do at home?” and that is the attitude that needs to change. Flexible hours, workspaces like Coro in Bangalore that allow for a seamless blend of work and family time, fathers loudly and proudly talking about their career breaks after having children, all of those are needed to normalize balancing fatherhood with work 

The Road Ahead: Encouraging More Fathers to Step Up 

While progress is happening, there’s still a long way to go. Here’s what needs to change:

1. More representation in media: We need stories, films, and books that showcase involved fathers—not as exceptions, but as the norm. 

2. Better workplace policies: Companies must normalise paternity leave and flexible work arrangements for fathers. 

3. Community support: Parenting groups, online forums, and workplaces should encourage men to share their experiences of fatherhood without judgment.

4. Challenging gender roles at home: Families must encourage boys and men to participate in caregiving from a young age. 

It’s time we celebrated fathers not just for providing, but for being present—for the lullabies, the school projects, the scraped knees, and the endless bedtime stories. After all, true masculinity is not about power—it’s about love, care, and shared responsibility.

Authored by Tena Pick, Founder, Coro. Views expressed by the author are their own.