Things That 'Independent' Women Hesitate To Do For Themselves

Recently, during a conversation with a friend, she pointed out something that struck a chord with me, "You claim to be an independent woman, but you don’t seem to act like one." Curious, I asked her to elaborate. She explained, "Until you stop being hesitant to take agency over your life, you’re not truly independent." That hit me deeply. She was right. I might have a job, I might be taking care of my everyday needs, and I might have even been daring enough to walk away from things that made me unhappy, but a deeper introspection made me realise that I continue to hesitate to take agency over my life.

I often feel guilty when prioritizing my own happiness, knowing that it might not align with societal norms, a sentiment many Indian women can understand.

This could be major decisions like quitting a job and planning a startup venture, starting or ending a relationship, or even an everyday decision like wearing clothes of our choice or taking some time off to reboot. Society often places certain expectations on women, which creates pressure to conform to cultural roles and norms, leading to hesitation in making decisions that deviate from social expectations.

Things That Make Women Feel Guilty

Among the pyamid of things that women are hesitant to make decisions about, here are five that the majority of women can identify with.

Expressing emotions

Being independent is often misunderstood as being a tough nut to crack. Contrary to this conception, being mentally strong requires a balance between our emotions. Women must allow themselves to openly feel upset, angry, jealous, or any other feelings perceived as 'negative' or 'weak'. Moreover, women must also embrace the freedom to demand what they want, make the first move, or show what they like without the fear of judgement.

Asking for help

"Oh, please! Live a day without needing something from men. That's when you'll know," is how patriarchal society reacts to women when they call themselves independent. They guffaw and pose absurd challenges to make women prove themselves. Fearing this, many independent women tend to shy away from asking for help when they need it. Everyone needs a little helping hand sometimes. Remember, ladies, you do not have to prove your independence or anything else to anyone.

Financial Decisions

There’s a stereotypical belief in society that women are bad with money. But let's not forget that women have been managing household budgets effectively since eternity. Patriarchy has just embedded the belief that handling money isn’t women’s responsibility. However, learning to handle finances is a life skill. Women need to be financially independent. It’s not just about making money; true financial independence is when women are empowered to efficiently handle their own money.

Family and relationship decisions

From getting married due to family pressure to having children due to social expectations and quitting a successful career due to an unhealthy work-life balance, women tend to give in at some point. Considering society’s belief that only marriage and motherhood complete a woman, making unconventional decisions is hard, but women need to if that’s what makes them happy. It's okay to do things at one's own pace, as long as you're happy with the decisions that you've made.

Saying No

From denying the husband's sexual advances in the bedroom to calling it quits on a relationship, women struggle to say, "No!" It takes so much strength, willpower, and practice to master the art of saying no, but when you get there, there's no turning back. Women are aware when certain things, people, places, or situations make them uncomfortable, but they find it difficult to say no because they were raised by preaching the mantra "adjust and compromise." But it’s time we replace the mantra with "no."

Travelling or staying alone

The moment a woman says that she wants to travel alone or move to a different city and stay alone, people around her panic. It’s usually because a lone woman is considered easy prey. But how long is that going to be the narrative? We all know of at least one man who lives alone or ventures on solo trips. But how many women do that? Why aren’t we doing that? Only when more women do it will it get normalised, right?

Me Time

Along with milk, women have also been fed with the thought that they need to prioritise others over themselves. They are made to feel guilty for taking time for themselves due to the unrealistic social expectations of being nurturers and carers. Women are ingrained with the notion that self-care is selfish, and they are conditioned to believe that they are being selfish if they prioritise themselves over others. But it’s high time women overcome this mindset, understand the importance of self-care, and set healthy boundaries.

Views expressed by the author are their own