Does staying with your in-laws improve your marriage or make it worse?

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    • #436509
      AvatarSTP Team

      How do you deal with it? What have your experiences been like?

    • #436525
      AvatarJessica Vanlalfaki

      Personally I think it varies from people to people. It depends a lot on the people’s mindset and backgrounds too. But if the majority of cases had to be taken, I think staying with your in laws surely takes away a lot of the independence that you would have as a couple as compared to moving out. A great relationship with the in laws of both sides can be maintained without staying in the same house as them.

    • #436524
      AvatarRitika Joshi

      As far as I can see, not staying with in-laws provides the family with more freedom.
      In my family when the in-laws (my grandparents) are around, the focus is on catering to their needs and outdated views, which puts a strain on the family dynamic and marriage.

    • #436519

      After over 20 years of suffering, my mother finally moved out from her in law’s house with me and my sister and now I can proudly say that was the best decision of her life.

    • #436516
      Shriya SarangShriya Sarang

      I think it’s cool as long as everybody knows where the line is. But unfortunately that’s not the case in most Indian households. Like in my house there are two kitchens as my mom, grandma and aunt wouldn’t cook together. So my dad got my mom a new kitchen and my aunt stopped cooking. But the raja beta syndrome of grandma didn’t allow the couples to live separately. So I feel overall its a mess living together if people are not logical.

    • #436511
      AvatarCharvi Kathuria

      Depends on your in-laws, how they treat you after marriage

    • #436593

      If women find good in-laws their marriages can be really great ones, if not, they might suffer. In such cases, it shouldn’t be a big deal for women to leave them.

    • #436988

      When freedom is taken away from girls on the name of culture. It is better to stay separately. Be a bad bahu but don’t sacrifice your freedom or happiness. In-laws have not done anything for your growth.

    • #437087

      In India you don’t marry a guy you marry the entire family! So It depends on the kind of family you marry into. If it’s a healthy family dynamic a daughter in law will find a great support system where she and her time, views, ambition, dreams, individuality is not only accepted but appreciated.
      But in most cases in our country I feel in-laws have a preconceived notion of how they want there son’s wife to be and the girl is just forced and coerced into being their ideal avatar instead of being her own person. So a woman lands up just surviving not thriving when she stays with her In-laws.

    • #441483

      The mother in law from my first marriage only fuelled the raja beta syndrome and even applauded violence. Staying with her had me second guessing if I was even worth living. Voicing out and taking a stand for myself would mean taking beatings later or watching my family get humiliated.

      However, staying with my current mother-in-law has been nothing but empowering for me. She uplifts me in all possible ways and yes she does come with her own rigid values. The only saving grace is there is room for conversations and discussion.
      She ,my husband and I sit down from time to time to talk about what’s not working. And she LISTENS!! She pushes for me to open up and says that “tum nahi bologe to shayad me har baar samajh na tum bolte raho. Kuch bhi andar mat rakhna”

      She respects and maintains boundaries and is super fun to be around. Yes, marriage in india is most times, marrying the whole family. But if the family is ready to listen, learn and see that it’s a two way street, it can be a happy work-in-progress situation.

    • #440065
      AvatarBhumika Sharma

      Depends on the kind of structure of family you have. You will be treating your in-laws in the same way you have been conditioned and so as they. Not going by the set norms could be a solution to make things more progressive. Simply redefining relationships and better communication would be a great step towards making marriages less compromising from both the sides.

    • #441281
      AvatarApoorva Gupta

      My mother used to live in a joint family in starting of her marriage and that house literally had like 3 set of kitchens one for every bahu because they can’t cook together. And now my friend got married and she doesn’t not live with her in laws she is like there maid. She is pregnant without her intention of being one and do almost everything in house even though they have a maid, her husband left for a trip as he is in navy leaving her pregnant and probably alone with all the chores of household. As personally I don’t even like my parents i am really not sure i will be able to deal with someone else’s parents. Definitely only want my own house with my own rules.

    • #440093
      AvatarPrerona Moyee

      In Indian society, where marriages are unequal, staying with in laws can be quite a task for the girl. There are high chances of the girl getting exhausted of fulfilling both her professional and household duties as is expected from a daughter-in law. Plus,the generation gap would further add fuel to the fire of frustration, where the in laws always nags their daughter in laws for doing things in a particular way. Nevertheless, the situation does varies from person to person.

    • #439494

      The issue is of power dynamics. Your in laws home is their own home where usually the mother in law decides most of the things starting from what to cook, where to go etc.Even if they are good to you, the moment you decide to do something,which doesn’t align with their idea , they’ll feel their control on the house is getting fragile.then the friction happens. Every couple have a natural feeling of living on their own terms, that is why even your in laws are living separate in their own home right? It is additional burden to manage everybodies priorities, and make everyone happy if you are a working women and it worsens if you have kids too. The idea should be to be available when your in laws needs you. You don’t have to necessarily live your entire life with them.

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