Literally every pop music video post-2010 has some version of a club with a guest list involved. Now in quarantine, every party and any party is on Zoom. You can ignore and annoy all the people you dislike from the comfort of your own home. While everyone above the age of 35 is having the time of their life playing taash online and not having to share their whiskey, things are slightly different for teen Zoom parties. They have their own cardinal rules.

Rule 1: Dress up. *Subject to cultural differences (i.e if Mom and Dad are okay with it or not.) While the gorgeous days of listening to Lucky Boy and getting ready with your friends are long gone, you can still attempt to switch up your quarantine wardrobe. Swap out the messy bun and sweats for a half up-half down and a cute top. You might not be able to wear a jacket and leave from a friend’s house (AKA hoodwink your parents) but it doesn’t hurt to make an effort for your next teen Zoom party.

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Rule 2: Seal the list. The Early Age of Zoom was plagued by ‘meeting crashers.’ These unwelcome, irritating guests are usually bored, unpopular annoyances who got their hands on a leaked link and joined for the sole purpose of ruining the party. Meeting everyone impersonally is awkward enough, but having some pest rename themselves to ‘Ben Dover’ or ‘Mike Oxlong’ and make creepy comments about that cute top you’re wearing with their camera off can really be a ‘party pooper.’ So, be careful about who receives the link and enable privacy settings to allow the host to regulate the guest list like a digi-bouncer.

Rule 3: Have a plan. Like I mentioned earlier, these parties tend to get a little awkward. So instead of expecting a sparkling conversation, ensure there’s something for everyone to do. For example, if it’s a midnight birthday, it’s best there’s a fun activity ready for the remaining thirty minutes. Personal recommendation: Bingo. Make a chart with the birthday girl/boy’s most embarrassing experiences and just tick them off if you’ve been lucky enough to witness them. Zoom hosting duties go beyond the link sharing, you know. While it’s fortunate teen Zoom parties don’t need menus or return gifts, there IS a tiny bit of work that needs to go into them.

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Until our fake ids can make a comeback, it is my deepest displeasure to report that teen Zoom parties are the new normal (Kidding about the IDs, okay). Just follow the three cardinal rules and cross your fingers, we know Zoom’s a headache. Look at the positives. You can mute people you don’t like. Remove someone you don’t like from the meeting, or keep someone you do like around while typing out that millionth assignment. Another added advantage is that you can pretend to be all professional and business-y and share your screen (remember to share audio and play Bewafa by Imran Khan to jam with appropriate tanhai.) Bask in the joy of not begging your friends to carpool and leave early. Rest assured in the knowledge that you won’t have to take your heels off.

Photo Credit: YouTube

The views expressed are the author’s own.

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