Open letter to my preteen daughter on women and choices

guilty moms, mother daughter relationship

Dear Sugarplum,

I know you have been wondering why Mom has to write you an open letter to convey what she has in her mind?

It’s not that difficult to explain; by the time this letter is finished you would be able to appreciate mystique of the word “Choice.” Yes, today I am sharing my concerns and sentiments with you on the word, Choice.

You would often hear words,

What choice do I have?

It’s my choice!

The journey from pre-teens to teens is mostly lost in translating the realities and accepting the changes, overall.

We often mimic or should I put some catchy word for you, consent to choices, which by no means reflect us, define us and speak for us as a person. Then why we do follow this chase knowing it’s not in our greater interest in the long run? Sometimes it’s complex, a progression of an idea or an effort to appreciate it fully, but peer-pressures, social acceptance, social report card, getting along with others etc. etc. could be one of its reasons, it also collaborates with the fact, “we all are social beings”, we live and thrive on collective acceptance and collective consciousness.

Also Read: The Inappropriate Poem by Sonal Sharma

Social awkwardness, yes, some times, you may need to accept this as well, it would come with the bouquet of choices, you would be making in your life, holistically.

You can count on your buddies, Adeptness and Adaptability in such situations.

You are Gen Z Kid, exposed to Digital waves, Globalization, virtual community and technology.  You are almost half-way to understand these issues consciously, which are often barred and carry “do not bare” hash tags, be it for kissing scenes we often see in movies, or blushing of young teenagers at the name of love or being in relationship, Sex Education, Behavioral changes, Peer pressures, Social Dilemmas, Fashion choices etc. It’s not weird but it’s more perpetual in my guesstimate, like, I have often barred you to watch few movies, I made this choice for you on your behalf, right or wrong, it was my concern as a parent, not to expose you to falsehood of “personhood.” I am not being oblique or judgmental here, but bloodshed, violent words, unfortunate depiction of gender roles has always miffed me, I wasn’t sure that your transformative mind was ready to grasp the authenticity of it, tenderly.

Also Read: Why life gives you pain, turn it into poetry

You soon would be asking questions about the choices you have to make, you would be making and you would be expected to make, in pursuit of your life and career trajectory.

We often mimic or should I put some catchy word for you, consent to choices, which by no means reflect us, define us and speak for us as a person

Menstruation, love, marriage, premarital sex, stereotypes abstaining rightful choices, Gender disparity, Questioning Sexuality and objectification of human life. It would be messy, believe me, lots of questions would be impounding harder on your psyche to understand it all, but it’s not mandatory to feel obligated by these opaque situations.

Parenthood isn’t a rocket science; we all graduate from this field, from infancy, adolescent, teenager and adult or maturity stage. It’s an ongoing learning process. I have to admit this though, the journey was full of overwhelming bumps and unforeseen roadblocks, but the rewards were satisfying, seeing you happy and contended at the end of the day, as a mother, it was my prerogative and moral instinctive duty to protect, empower and educate you for your life, rights and choices, priming qualitative aspects over choices often lost in chaos.

Over the years, I also have learned many things from you, and this “Mutual cohabitation” between us is a wonderful way of communication, which has also strengthen our mother-daughter bond.

When as a parent we make choice or being compelled to make choices for our kid(s), who being a minor, has no say in those affirmations signed by their parents, from choosing the type of clothes they going to wear, type of school they are going to fit in, educational prospects, career decisions, choosing sports and extra curricular activities, we all believed it as a missive, a moral instinctive right, given to us naturally with parenthood duties and responsibilities.

Now these limitations seem to be blurry, for no apparent reasons, environment shapes an individual and family is the first social institution for any kid. In this scenario, Choice, is it a rhetoric or a metaphor thrust upon us, on our conscious mindsets, stapled nicely under the grab of being silent observers, having no say in our life?

I have often asked myself, aren’t we hypocrite to marginalized almost everything to nothing in general?

Do we really support and steer our Kids choices free from stale morals chap sticks, vocal boundaries and think of viable factors to make them responsible citizens and persons believing in tenets of Global community and Humanity?

Growing up in 80s was fun for me, media exposure wasn’t much and we would wait for days to catch glimpse of our favorite cartoon shows or sometimes movies. For a Gen Y kid, as the youth of 80s decade were referred to as we weren’t having much of the orientation, choices or exposure than we have today. It goes same with every decade hop; I would like to term it as, Polarization, in which our growing “Youth Culture” also gets polarized. With every decade it seems “Youth culture” has generated enough attention and niche for itself, peculiar to that decade.

You would be thrown open to competitive world; you already have been making good choices regarding your education and personal fulfillment issues.

Also Read: Branding feminists anti national easier than fixing the system?

But remember, Choice comes with “Responsibility” and “Ethical comprehensibility” also. Ethical I have spell it here to convey the importance of happy face morals like compassion, love, goodness, reverence etc.

As a person you need to grow with the Choices you would be making and you would like to opt for, whatever those choices are, you may need to remember, Choice word has two more siblings, Choose and Voice, you can count them as your hidden buddies, and we adults often call it as conscience.

Remember, Voice and Choose. And, you would be fine.

Voice: To be a human

Choose: To be humane

Voice: To be change

Choose: To steer the change

Voice: For Equality & Human Rights

Choose: Respect, Compassion & Change

Sealed with love,